If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
