Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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