when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
