my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
