i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
