Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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