i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
