Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
