You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
