Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
