i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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