They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
bring money and cleavage
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
