I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my shit smells like andre
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
