I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
