he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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