Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I lost the right to judge tonight
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
