i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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