is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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