Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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