Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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