I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
