I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize