So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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