Whod you bang
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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