Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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