Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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