tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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