I didn't shave. On purpose
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
