also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm getting married
To pizza
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
