the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
