I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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