he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
