I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
