Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
