This girl is more easily done than said...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
