I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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