What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize