nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
