i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
