Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
