Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize