will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
