If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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