his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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