Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
