Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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