sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
