I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
