i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
