Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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