Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there is glitter all over my balls
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
