READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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