I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
