I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize