Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
