Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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