Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
3pm strippers are depressing
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
