"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
