Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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