I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
