bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your cock deserves a montage
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
