Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
